Getting Back to My Roots, India-Style
Like many of you, I’ve spent the first part of 2023 in planning mode. Lots of wrapping up current clients, gearing up with new folks, and laying out my workplan for the year. This year it’s been a bit more reflective even than my usual, as I came back from my first trip to India in a decade.
Social Impact Insights: Family Trees, Modernity, and Lots of Chai
Somehow I blinked and it had been a decade since my last trip to India. A cousin’s wedding provided the perfect inspiration for me, my mother, and one of my brothers and his wife and kids to head to Delhi in December. (My father decided to stay back out of a sense of covid precaution, but he was essentially on the trip via WhatsApp.)
Going to India is always an emotional experience. We see lots of extended family, and we get to see those family similarities up close and build more emotional intimacy. Yet still with a reminder that there is also a lot of distance, given that we’ve grown up in different countries and cultures than our Indian-from-India family. My sister and I were born in India, but our parents left with us when we were quite young, so the culture gap is real. And so is my garish American accent and my real-time lapse in language fluidity. Even though our mother spent hours upon hours teaching all four of us Hindi when we were growing up (reading and writing as well!), which paid off in us speaking/understanding Hindi in slow motion/theory, but sounding like stilted American tourists in reality. One nice side effect of this is that I spend a lot more time listening and being in a reflective zone on these trips, rather than talking so much.
Always fascinating for me is hearing my parents’ reactions to being back to the place where they grew up, but where now they are tourists too. If my siblings and I experienced the “being part of two cultures at the same time while we didn’t quite belong in either” as we were growing up, my parents experience a version of that as adults who have now spent more of their lives in the U.S. than they have in India. It’s always funny for me when I hear my mom boldly express herself in a way that’s uniquely American or see my dad try to pass himself off as a local. And seeing my brother’s kids experience India for the first time was hilarious and a thrill. We can call their short take on India Confusion and Delight.
One dynamic that is always in play: As Indian-Americans, we have to do a lot more excavating to understand people’s true desires and intentions than we’re used to, as our American straightforwardness simply does not resonate in Indian culture. And for the lawyer and strategist in me, it’s even more of a communications challenge, as I can get frustrated. So I deal with it by seeing all this as an exercise in developing my sense of quiet, patience, and equanimity. And in stretching the boundaries of my own powers of persuasion and leaning on etiquette.
Another way that I’m different when I’m in India is my extremely strong purpose in being on the hunt for beautiful objects. While I’m not known as an overly acquisitive person in my usual life, my family in India knows me for my major shop-til-you-drop vibes. I basically want to bring back as much of India with me as I can in my overstuffed suitcase. Whether it’s shawls, jewelry, or asking about cooking techniques, it feels like bringing all these back home are ways to keep the legacy alive and to be immersed in momentos that are constant and familiar. And to stay connected to a heritage that is deeply comforting and gives a sense of “home,” even though it’s technically not. Something universal: It can feel in Indian/Indian-American families like the way we express love is never by saying it aloud but by worrying about each other, and by passing on jewelry, shawls, and artwork/statues.
One of the most amazing parts of these trips is always seeing the many ways India continues to modernize and roar forward since my last visit. The upside of seeing women being more independent than ever; smartphones everywhere and the connection they bring to the world at large; and the signs of a global economy zooming forward all fascinate in the best way. Also interesting was that it felt like I was seeing fewer unhoused people in the streets than I’d ever seen before, and frankly, I’ve seen more in our major American cities recently. I always ask what this means for human rights/where do all the people go, and there is certainly a great deal more pollution with less focus on sustainability.
So in many ways these economic and cultural developments mirror the way so much of social change happens: three steps forward, two steps back, and do it all over again. It’s invigorating to see up close and from an insider/outsider’s perspective what’s changing and what’s not. And it always gives me more insight on how we make long-standing change and move forward in cultures and communities, to see what sticks, and to see how many different groups we need to persuade to have buy-in on the change/see the benefits as we decide where to zoom into our shared future and where to hold onto tradition. One thing is for sure: Every time I go to India, it provokes a better understanding of who I am, my family’s history, and our evolving place in the world.
Surf Synthesis: Building Back Muscle Memory
Ay yi yi, I was so out of shape by the time I got back to the U.S. Between the super delicious food everywhere and the different communications style (see above) in which my protestations that I’m stuffed only lead to more food on my plate (and I hate wasting food so you know I down all of it!), I needed to re-set, food-wise, upon my return home. Factor in the lack of any consistent exercise regimen while I was away, and the cold air/water temps (despite this being a warm winter), and it has been a sloooow return to the surf for me. So far, I am not even thinking about catching waves, literally just focusing on “getting salty and wet,” as I like to put it. And suiting up in (and getting out of) the winter wetsuit and booties/gloves is a workout in itself.
All I am about is actually making it into the water, being proud of myself for withstanding the cold, and handling my board with a modicum of grace and surf etiquette. And even with these minimal goals in mind, I can still feel my surf endeavors in my body after. It’s a good sign, because it means I’m re-building my muscles and endurance, and paving the way for my muscle memory to kick in. Sometimes, with surfing as with making social impact and with so much of life, you just have to set realistic and reachable goals. We can’t always be reaching for the moonshot or the ambitious win. In recovery times like these, I leave that for future planning, and take the incremental wins as signs that I’m at least holding steady ground.
Tarot Inspiration: The Chariot
When I first started reading tarot, I focused on learning “the correct” interpretations of the cards. It wasn’t until I really committed that I became comfortable going with my intuition and using the official card meanings as loose guides that are open enough that my reading is based on what the card is giving me.
The Chariot is the card that changed it for me most clearly. The official meaning you see in decks is about control, willpower, and harnessing your energy towards success. None of this is particularly off from what comes to me when I see the Chariot, but my interpretation is very much based on my own cultural heritage. In the Mahabharat, one of Hinduism’s sacred epics, there is a looming war that represents the fight between good and evil. Krishna offers both sides a decision: They can have his many troops or they can have him on their team, as a non-fighting member. Arjun picks Krishna and asks him to be his Charioteer, recognizing that having Krishna on his side is what matters, regardless of the size of troops or fighting power.
You can see the meaning from a spiritual and intuitive perspective. Choosing a moral/spiritual/ethical pillar is more important than chasing after outside or physical markers of strength. How you guide your chariot and on whom you count to guide you or to be on your team/the ride with you is crucial. None of this is in conflict with the official meaning, but my interpretation is certainly personal to me, and I can’t see anything other than Krishna when I see this card.
Let’s take this Chariot energy into this year and focus on that energy of doing what’s right, choosing guides who keep us focused on a moral path, and being strong in whatever ethical battles are coming, whether personally or in the work.